


Amazingly, Recklessly, Lovely

by Rsbry_Beret



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Everyone has a favorite emotional support character and hes mine, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, I decided to try me hand at DEFINING LOVE, M/M, Nonconsensual Kiss, Tobin Batra feels, Tobin-centric, based on Tobin’s throw away line that his mom left him, because I Can’t Stop Thinking About That, i Love Tobin With My Whole Heart, kind of, my Aro ass ...I hope I did okay, not perpetrated by either of the main characters, so instead of working on all the shit I should be, theyre Tobin’s parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26558728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rsbry_Beret/pseuds/Rsbry_Beret
Summary: Tobin’s voice was small when he spoke again. “She doesn’t get to choose when to love me, Leif. She has to be there.“Aka, Tobin Batra is not a man defined by his experiences. But it’s not like they didn’t have an effect, either.
Relationships: Tobin Batra & Leif Donnelly, Tobin Batra/Leif Donnelly
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Amazingly, Recklessly, Lovely

**Author's Note:**

> I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I have like five other projects rn. But honestly I’m just glad I’m writing SOMETHING. 
> 
> Tw in rags but I’ll add them here too- a girl kisses Tobin non-consensually, but I don’t go into detail about it.

When Tobin was eight, his mom left to buy more paint for the shed his dad had built in the backyard, and she didn’t come back. 

There was never any fear that she died, or was hurt, or kidnapped. She left a note on a legal pad, on the kitchen counter by the coffee pot-

_ Boys,  _

_ I’m so sorry. I know you won’t ever forgive me, and I wouldn’t either, but I can’t bear to live in this house and I can’t bear to read these books and I can’t bear to watch the same evening talk shows, over and over. It was nothing either of you ever did. This life was just never made for me.  _

_ I’m moving back to Denver. I’m changing my number. I’ll try to call on Tobin's birthday, but I need a clean break.  _

She never called. 

-

When Tobin was nine, he met Leif Donnelly. Leif wore sweaters that fit him perfectly and shoes that were shiny and all the other kids laughed at him and his big glasses and called him a nerd, but Leif also told Tobin he liked his backpack, and Leif was the second best student in science after Tobin and even better at math than he was. 

Tobin thought Leif was pretty cool. 

In winter, Tobin found Leif sniffling under the big tree nobody liked because it had spiders, rubbing at his nose and pretending he wasn’t crying, and Tobin sat right next to him and pulled out his Iron Man lunchbox and his big thermos of soup and asked if he wanted to share. 

And then they were best friends. 

-

When Tobin was eighteen, Leif told him he was bisexual. Tobin clapped him on the back and told him  _ now you have the chance to be rejected by twice as many people, _ and then he pulled Leif into a tight hug and said  _ I still love you. Nothing you do could make me stop loving you.  _

-

When Tobin was nineteen, fresh out of jail for being smart enough to hack into the government servers and yet not smart enough to hide his tracks, his mom called for the first time. 

It went like this:

_ Tobin Batra speaking, if you’re here to complain about the noise, I  _ swear _ I’m not the one watching ‘Days of our Lives’ this time.  _

_ Tobin… _

_...uh, yeah. This is him.  _

_ Honey, it’s me. Your mom.  _

Tobin hung up, then blocked the number, then stood up and walked out of his apartment and to a park, where he kicked a tree for ten minutes. 

When Leif asked what happened to his foot, why it looked all bruised, Tobin told him the truth, because he couldn’t tell him anything else. 

Leif held him to his chest, and they didn’t talk about it. 

-

When Tobin was twenty four, a woman with long black hair kissed him without asking and Tobin pushed her away and ran out of the bar and threw up on the sidewalk and called Leif, and he picked up even though it was one am. 

-

When Tobin was twenty seven, Leif finally asked him about his mom. 

“She walked out when I was nine,” Tobin said, stiff and sullen, and Leif had replied-

“Didn’t she call you, after Highschool? Try to reconnect?” and Leif had sounded soft and confused. 

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“And I hung up on her and blocked her number.”

“ _ Tobin.” _

And Tobin had stood up off the couch they were both sitting on, in their shared apartment, and he had walked to the wall and clenched his fists tight so he wouldn’t punch them. And he then raised his arm and gestured at the photos in the frames hung up. 

There was one of him and Leif at the beach, another of him and all of Leif’s stuffy family, a few of Tobin and his dad, kayaking and posing awkwardly, one strip of photo booth photos with him and Leif making silly faces at each other. 

“This is family, Leif. You, me, my dad, your siblings, assholes that they are sometimes.”

Leif had stared at him.

“ _ This.  _ You and me. Because you chose me, and I chose you, and we both chose to  _ stay. _ She doesn’t get to-“

Tobin sighed, long and heavy. He sat down on the floor where he was, and heard shuffling before Leif sat across from him, their knees pressing firmly against each other.

Tobin’s voice was small when he spoke again. “She doesn’t get to choose when to love me, Leif. She has to be there. And she left, and maybe one day I’ll forgive her for it.” Leif reached out and grabbed Tobin’s hand, held it tight. “But I won’t ever forgive  _ myself _ , if I love her again and she walks out. It’s unfair, but- but it’s how I’m choosing to do it.”

Leif smiled, thin and hopeless but still so good. Like a best friend. Tobin squeezed Lief’s hand, and he squeezed back. 

-

When Tobin was twenty eight, Leif paused Mario Kart and turned to look at him and said “Go on a date with me, Tobin Batra?”

Tobin said “Yes, of course, idiot.” Then he unpaused the game and blue shelled Leif’s ass, and reached out to shove his shoulder, leaving his hand there a long time afterward. 

-

When Tobin was seven, his mom told him, “Baby, some day you’re gonna meet the love of your life.”

Tobin had said “ _ gross! _ ” because he was seven, and then “how will I know?”

She had smiled at him and ruffled his hair and said “you’re gonna love her so much that you’ll give up everything else, just to love her even more.”

And Tobin had stuck out his tongue and said “that’s stupid.”

And it was. 

Because Tobin was in love with Leif Donnelly, embarrassingly, awkwardly, idiotically, enthusiastically, against his better judgement. 

And it wasn’t like that at all. 

Leif didn't make Tobin better,  _ Tobin  _ made Tobin better, and Leif  _ didn’t _ seem perfect in his eyes, and Leif was brilliant and gorgeous and a wreck, and Tobin  _ loved _ him, haphazardly, recklessly, amazingly. Every damn adverb in the book. 

Leif stayed. And Tobin stayed. And it was never hard, to stay for each other. It was never giving anything else up, to live in their shitty apartment and wake up next to each other. It was never a sacrifice, to love him. 

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!! I finally started writing again. I apologize in advance bc nanowrimo starts up soon so I Sincerely Doubt I’ll be putting much out in November.
> 
> Anyway, hello reader! You look radiant today!! Did you do something different with your hair? Well, maybe it’s just your smile- it lights up your whole face, you know. 
> 
> As always, people who comment are glorious creatures sent from Venus to make me happy, like axolotls and snails :)


End file.
